Does your teenager ‘drive’ you crazy?

Inculcate safe and responsible driving skills in your youngster.
Driving is serious business

Much before parents handover the car keys to their adolescent sons or daughters, they need to teach safe driving to their young ones. Parents need to address themselves to the driving skills of their children, mainly because rash driving is not a habit one can overlook. Like smoking, drinking and other habits that worry parents, unsafe and rash driving also needs parental attention, that too before it is too late.
Did you know? 

Unsafe driving by irresponsible teenagers is a menace in all countries of the world. It is found that four out of every ten teen deaths are due to driving accidents. Research shows that teens meet with accidents after they jampack their vehicles with friends. The risk of an accident is reduced if the young one drives alone, that too in the daytime. Teens are pre-disposed to taking risks and exhibiting reckless driving. Statistics show that teens are the most likely to speed a vehicle. And the combination of loud music, friends and recklessness proves fatal while driving. Parents therefore must discourage their youngsters from late night driving.
Limit your child’s time behind the wheel

While a parent must discourage late night driving, even morning driving must be fixed within parameters. For instance, never let the youngster drive after taking any intoxicating drink. Make it a rule, a value to be cherished all throughout life. Never ever listen to your teenager’s heroic tales of driving in tricky situations. If the youngster is inexperienced, do not allow him or her to drive for long distances. 
For example, if your son doesn’t want to wear a helmet, in order to keep his hairstyle intact, be firm and lay down ground rules in advance. Take away the motorbike if he insists on not wearing the safety helmet. 
Be a role model

Parents should also be responsible while driving. They should make sure they wear their seat belts, never drink while driving, never drive over the speed limit, never cut lanes and treat traffic rules lightly. If parents set the right precedent, children would be more prone to driving responsibly when they take to the wheel.
License should never be fake

Some parents even encourage their children to start driving early. They don’t mind if their teenager fakes his or her date of birth on a driving license, in order to start driving a year before the legally permissible age. Never allow such irresponsible and illegal behavior. For it is the question of your teenager’s life and of course many other lives he or she might play with. 

Teaching Kids To Dress Themselves

eaching your preschooler to dress himself can be extremely frustrating. However, it doesn’t have to be. Children between the ages of 4 and 5 years old can quickly learn how to dress themselves without too much frustration. There are some simple steps that should be followed so that your preschooler can effectively learn to dress themselves.Generally mornings can be a time that is very chaotic and rushed. Most times, it is much easier to simply dress your preschooler, rather than allowing them the extra time to dress themselves. However, by learning to dress and undress them, they are not only learning independence, they are also working on improving their logical thinking and motor skills.

If you are at the point where you want to allow your child to learn to dress himself, you may want to allow for extra time. Therefore, if your mornings are generally a chaotic time, consider getting up a bit earlier. This will give both you and your preschooler that extra time needed, to allow him to dress himself, without the feeling of being rushed. It is important that you are there to assist your little one with getting dressed, without taking over and doing it for him.
When your little one is learning to dress himself, it is important that you keep in mind that it doesn’t matter what order he does it in. If he wants to put his pants on before he puts his socks on, it is ok.
In order for your child to master the skills involved in dressing himself, he will need the encouragement and opportunity to practice by himself. The more you allow him to dress himself and practice this skill, the better he will become.

Whether your little one is enthusiastic to take charge or simply uninterested, there are a variety of things you can do to make things simpler. Begin by purchasing simple clothing. Clothes such as overalls and pants with snaps, zippers and buttons can be set aside for special occasions. Pants with elastic waistbands and loose T-shirts are the best way to go in the beginning. If you have a daughter, consider purchasing slip on dresses with larger armholes or skirts with elastic waistbands. When purchasing socks, consider purchasing ones with fitted heels, this way, your child won’t have to try and figure out which way the sock goes on.

When your child is first learning to dress by themselves, consider purchasing clothes that are a size bigger. This is especially true if your little one is between sizes. You may want to let your little one practice with your socks, in order to get the hang of it. The larger the clothes, the easier it is for kids to get them on and off without assistance.
In order to lessen the stress of dressing routine, let your little one pick out what they want to wear. Preschoolers begin developing their own taste and personality and therefore will enjoy picking out their own clothes. Although your preschooler may come up with some extremely crazy combinations, he will quickly learn to associate the fun of picking out his own clothes with the pure satisfaction of putting them on.

One way of helping your preschooler pick out his own clothes, without it getting out of hand is to lay out two coordinating outfits. This way, he can mix and match between the different pieces, yet still feel like he made the final decision in what he chose to wear. Young children are often drawn to brightly colored clothes. This is generally acceptable, as long as the colors coordinate with one other. Therefore, pick outfits out that are easily interchangeable so that your preschooler will have an easier time attempting to match their clothes, while still displaying their own fashion sense.

Another struggling point for many preschoolers is learning to tie their own shoes. If possible, avoid the shoes with Velcro, so that your little one will learn how to tie his own shoes. This can be a very frustrating process for both parent and child. Therefore, be willing to try this in small steps. Do not overwhelm yourself or your preschooler.
There are a few tricks that will help your little one to learn to tie their shoes a lot easier. One of the most common tricks for teaching a preschooler to tie his shoes is the bunny ears method. Demonstrate to your child how to make the laces resemble “bunny ears”. Next, he will need to try and secure a knot through the bunny’s head. Make an X by crossing the bunny’s ears over. Then, pull one ear through the underside of the X and pull tightly. This example will help your child learn to ties his shoes on his own.

Another method is to pick up a book at your local library or book store on learning to tie shoes. There are books that have a shoe with laces so that your preschooler can practice learning to tie. The more he practices, the better and more efficient he will become. There are also some toys that can come with shoe strings so that your little one can learn to tie.

One of the most important things you need to remember when teaching your preschooler to dress himself and tie his own shoes is patience. Your little one will get the hang of this in his own time. Don’t push him into doing it your time. Before you know it, your child will be dressing himself without any assistance.

Watch what you say; Little ears are always listening!

An article which i got from somewhere, its really true and interesting.

When my oldest daughter was younger I struggled with potty mouth (me, not her). I substituted “Friggin”, or “Freakin’ ” for the well known street vernacular, and thought I had won the battle.

I didn’t realize how much I swore, or “fake swore”, until I took my daughter and her half-brother out for lunch one day. He was about 3 years old at that time. I took them to one of my favorite restaurants that served the best Chicken Fried Steak.

On our way to the restaurant I explained to the kids what we would be eating. The boy was perplexing me by the way he seemed worried about what we were having for lunch. I blew off the situation as a kid just being a picky eater.

After we ordered, and the waitress brought out our food, I watched as he looked at the meat and continuously poked, and flipped it over. I asked him what was wrong.

BOY: “Mike, Where are the eyes?”

ME: “What eyes?”

BOY: “The snake’s eyes!”

ME: “Why would there be snake eyes in your food?”

BOY: “Well you said we were having Freakin’ Fried Snakes!”

As I tried desperately to clear the stinging sensation of Coca-Cola in my nasal passages the trepidation I sensed in the car was made abundantly clear in that one instant. I also realized that I needed to do something about my language, specially around kids.

YOUNG MOTHERS, Rude and Arrogant!!!!!

From A conversation between me and one of my friend in Chennai. 

The whole thing is based on her point of view.

I believe in the 90/10 rule. That is, 90% of the time, we use 10% of our brains. 90% of the population own 10 % of the resources. You get the story line.

Ok, why is it that a whole battalion of young  Indian mothers are in a rush these days? Rude, unsatisfied and slave masters? Of course there is the 10% that sit and talk to their kids, and really parent their offsprings. But I seem to be coming across the 90% more often.

Summer-time and I’ve enrolled the kids in some cool and easy workshops.

Since I have kids ranging from 20 to 7, I meet mothers spanning 2 or 3 generations. However, we Indian mothers come across the board as consistently rough with our kids.

Yesterday, I’m at this Tennis place with my youngest in practice. So, we mothers hang outside the court under the trees. Here, we are all chatting away, and a young person (YES, THE KID IS A HUMAN BEING!!!) aged 5 or 6, is playing in the sand right behind us.

Scene I

Stopitmama yelps, “Neha, stop it”. Neha rolls her eyes. Neha blissfully continues doing what she apparently seems to do best: Ignoring Mama. Mother goes on to berate the kid. Not that Neha cared a breath.

As I turn around, I notice that the child has scooped some dirt into tiny mounds and stuck an assortment of twigs, fresh and dry leaves and whatever else she could find to adorn her creation. I may be more imaginative than others (with 4 kids, that’s the only way to survive), but to any layperson, it was definitely something worth admiring. A budding architect is what I announced. I’m sure the others areed. Along Frank Llyod, so usonian and Zaha Hadid, so contemporary.

Just using the materials that were readily available. She didn’t have to bribe anyone. No hypocricy. No imported items. No sweat. No cheating, lying, nothing. Just plain fun.

“Stop it, Neha, your clothes are getting dirty”. It wasn’t like the kid was wearing Channel or Givenchy or even that the outfit was white or starched. The kid was in some tatty jeans. Perfect play clothes.

So, what is Stopitmama teaching Neha here. Obviously, the kid could care a hoot. Well, it certainly seemed a resignation of the parental authority. And it was apparent that The Mother has anger-management issues. Losing tempers over non-issues - not too cool on a hot hot hot Chennai day. (A non-Chennaite Mother, for you cross-referencers).

Way-to-go-mama is in the court with her kid. Given half a chance, she would yank her kid’s racquet to do the needful. “Way to go, Shweta!”. Shweta rolls her eyes. She has not even hit one ball yet.

Kids instinctively know where they stand. They know when we are overdoing it, or underdoing it for that matter. Kids know.

Scene III

Perfect-Mom nags and wags her tongue at every given oppurtunity to create a neurotic adult. It’s her mission in life to spawn psychosis. The kid hits 10 out of 10 balls. Perfect-Mom is upset. “Come on, Sunder, you could do better.” Sunder rolls his eyes.

I try not to be Perfect Mama. I don’t expect perfection and have strictly told my children not to expect me to be perfect. My excuse: Only God is Perfect.

Mine announces, “It was a 6 today”. That’s the end of it. Well, she loves marking her scores. From her previous play. So, today on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the best, she’s a 6.

Epilogue

Oh, that reminds me, her sweet (To Candyland) story, all 15 lines of it, appeared in the paper today (Young World, Friday Review, The Hindu). I didn’t even know she had sent it in. Apparently, she’d asked my older kid to send it in 2 weeks ago. It all makes sense now, why she was wolfing down the papers lately. Much thanks to the paper-people…

I thank my friend for this lovely article, hope you have something to reply.

Preparing Your Child for a New Sibling

The arrival of a new baby can cause lots of sudden change in a family. Before the baby is born, parents typically spend a lot of attention and energy on preparations. After the baby arrives, much of the family’s attention involves meeting the newborn’s basic needs.

All this change can be hard for older siblings to handle. It’s not uncommon for an older sibling to resent the newborn for grabbing the spotlight and to react to all this upheaval by acting out.

There are steps you can take to prepare your child for all this change. By discussing the pregnancy in terms that make sense to your child, taking care of some logistics, and including your child in the care of the newborn, you can make the transition a little easier for the entire family.

During Pregnancy

There is no one right or wrong way to tell your child about the new baby. There isn’t any one right time to have that discussion, though the longer you give him or her to adjust to the concept, the better.

When you’re discussing the pregnancy with your child, you may want to let your own comfort level and your child’s maturity level steer the way.

It’s a good idea to explain the pregnancy on your child’s terms. If your child is in preschool, for example, he or she may not grasp concepts of time, so it may not mean much if you tell your child that the baby will arrive in 9 months. It may be more useful if you explain that the baby will arrive in a particular season, such as winter, when it’s cold outside.

How do you know how much detail to provide? Let your child’s questions be your guide. For example, a 4-year-old child may ask: “Where do babies come from?” Despite how it sounds, the child may not be asking you to explain sex. The child may just want to know where, literally, the baby comes from. It may be enough to say: “The baby comes from the uterus, which is inside the mother’s belly.” If your child wants to know more, he or she will ask.

If your child shows more interest in the baby, you can do activities together to encourage that interest, such as:

• going through your child’s baby pictures
• reading books about childbirth
• visiting friends who have infants
• packing a bag for the hospital
• thinking of potential baby names
• going to the doctor to hear the baby’s heartbeat

You may also want to find out about sibling birth classes, which many hospitals offer to provide orientation for soon-to-be siblings. These classes can include lessons on how to hold a baby, explanations of how a baby is born, and opportunities for your child to discuss his or her feelings about having a new brother or sister.

Planning for Childbirth

As your due date draws near, it’s a good idea to make arrangements for your older child for the time that you’re in the hospital. You may want to share these plans with your child, so he or she knows what to expect when the day arrives.

You may also want to plan to have your child visit you in the hospital as soon as possible after the baby is born. It’s a good idea to do this when no other visitors are around to reinforce the sense that he or she is an integral part of an intimate family event.

Try to keep your child’s routine as regular as possible in the days and weeks surrounding the baby’s arrival. If you plan to make any room shifts to accommodate the baby, do it a few weeks before the baby’s expected due date. If your older child is approaching any major milestones, like potty training or moving from a crib to a bed, you may want to make those changes well in advance of your due date, or put them off until after the baby has been at home for some time.

Bringing the New Baby Home

Once the baby is home from the hospital there are some things you can do to help your older child to adjust to all of the changes.

It’s a good idea to include your child as much as possible in the daily activities surrounding the baby, so that he or she doesn’t feel left out. You may want to bring a small cot or bedding in your room, for example, so that the older child can sleep with the rest of the family. (Be careful not to make the cot too comfy, though, because you’ll want your child to eventually return to normal sleeping arrangements.)

Your child may be willing to help take care of the baby. Though that “help” may mean that each task takes longer, it can give your older child a chance to interact with the baby in a positive way. Depending on your child’s age, he or she may want to fold or fetch diapers, help push the carriage, talk to the baby, or help dress, bathe, or burp the baby.

If your child expresses no interest in the baby, don’t be alarmed, and don’t force it. This may just take some time.

There will be occasions, like during breastfeeding for example, that your older child can’t be involved with the baby. For these times, you may want to have toys on hand so that you can feed the baby without being interrupted or worrying about your older child feeling neglected.

It’s a good idea to take advantage of any opportunities for one-on-one time with your older child. Spend some time together while the baby is sleeping. If possible, set aside some time each day for your older child to get one parent’s undivided attention. If your child knows that there is special time exclusively for him or her, it may help reduce any resentment or anger about the new baby.

You may also want to remind relatives and friends that your older child might want to talk about something other than the new baby.

Dealing With Feelings

With all of the changes that a new baby in the house can bring, it is not uncommon for these older kids to misbehave as they struggle to adjust to all of these changes.

Encourage your older child to talk about any angry or resentful feelings he or she may be having about the new baby. If your child cannot articulate his or her feelings, don’t be surprised if he or she acts out by knowingly breaking the rules or reverting to whining or speaking in baby talk.

If your child misbehaves, don’t bend the rules, but understand what feelings may be motivating that conduct. It may be a sign that your child needs more one-on-one time with you. Let your child know that although his or her feelings are important, they have to be expressed in appropriate ways.

9 Things to do Instead of Spanking

9 Things to do Instead of Spanking
- by Kathryn Kvols

Research confirms what many parents instinctively feel when they don’t like to spank their child, but they don’t know what else to do. The latest research from Dr. Murray Strauss at the Family Research Laboratory affirms that spanking teaches children to use acts of aggression and violence to solve their problems. It only teaches and perpetuates more violence, the very thing our society is so concerned about. This research further shows that children who have been spanked are more prone to low self-esteem, depression and accept lower paying jobs as adults. So, what do you do instead?

1 – Get Calm

First, if you feel angry and out of control and you want to spank or slap your child, leave the situation if you can. Calm down and get quiet. In that quiet time you will often find an alternative or solution to the problem. Sometimes parents lose it because they are under a lot of stress. Dinner is boiling over, the kids are fighting, the phone is ringing and your child drops the can of peas and you lose it. If you can’t leave the situation, then mentally step back and count to ten.

2 – Take Time for Yourself

Parents are more prone to use spanking when they haven’t had any time to themselves and they feel depleted and hurried. So, it is important for parents to take some time for themselves to exercise, read, take a walk or pray.

3 – Be Kind but Firm

Another frustrating situation where parents tend to spank is when your child hasn’t listened to your repeated requests to behave. Finally, you spank to get your child to act appropriately. Another solution in these situations is to get down on your child’s level, make eye contact, touch him gently and tell him, in a short, kind but firm phrase, what it is you want him to do. For example, “I want you to play quietly.

4 – Give Choices

Giving your child a choice is an effective alternative to spanking. If she is playing with her food at the table ask, Would you like to stop playing with your food or would you like to leave the table?” If the child continues to play with her food, you use kind but firm action by helping her down from the table. Then tell her that she can return to the table when she is ready to eat her food without playing in it.

5 – Use Logical Consequences

Consequences that are logically related to the behavior help teach children responsibility. For example, your child breaks a neighbor’s window and you punish him by spanking him. What does he learn about the situation? He may learn to never do that again, but he also learns that he needs to hide his mistakes, blame it on someone else, lie, or simply not get caught. He may decide that he is bad or feel anger and revenge toward the parent who spanked him. When you spank a child, he may behave because he is afraid to get hit again. However, do you want your child to behave because he is afraid of you or because he respects you?

Compare that situation to a child who breaks a neighbor’s window and his parent says, “I see you’ve broken the window, what will you do to repair it?” using a kind but firm tone of voice. The child decides to mow the neighbor’s lawn and wash his car several times to repay the cost of breaking the window. What does the child learn in this situation? That mistakes are an inevitable part of life and it isn’t so important that he made the mistake but that he takes responsibilty to repair the mistake. The focus is taken off the mistake and put on taking responsibility for repairing it. The child feels no anger or revenge toward his parent. And most importantly the child’s self-esteem is not damaged.

6 – Do Make Ups

When children break agreements, parents tend to want to punish them An alternative is to have your child do a make-up. A make-up is something that people do to put themselves back into integrity with the person they broke the agreement with. For example, several boys were at a sleep-over at Larry’s home. His father requested that they not leave the house after midnight. The boys broke their agreement. The father was angry and punished them by telling them they couldn’t have a sleep-over for two months. Larry and his friends became angry, sullen and uncooperative as a result of the punishment. The father realized what he had done. He apologized for punishing them and told them how betrayed he felt and discussed the importance of keeping their word. He then asked the boys for a make-up. They decided to cut the lumber that the father needed to have cut in their backyard. The boys became excited and enthusiastic about the project and later kept their word on future sleep-overs.

7 – Withdraw from Conflict

Children who sass back at parents may provoke a parent to slap. In this situation, it is best if you withdraw from the situation immediately. Do not leave the room in anger or defeat. Calmly say, “I’ll be in the next room when you want to talk more respectfully.

8 – Use kind but firm action

Instead of smacking an infant’s hand or bottom when she touches something she isn’t supposed to, kindly but firmly pick her up and take her to the next room. Offer her a toy or another item to distract her and say, “You can try again later.” You may have to take her out several times if she is persistent.

9 – Inform Children Ahead of Time

A child’s temper tantrum can easily set a parent off. Children frequently throw tantrums when they feel uninformed or powerless in a situation. Instead of telling your child he has to leave his friend’s house at a moment’s notice, tell him that you will be leaving in five minutes. This allows the child to complete what he was in the process of doing.

Aggression is an obvious form of perpetuating violence in society. A more subtle form of this is spanking because it takes it’s toll on a child’s self-esteem, dampening his enthusiasm and causing him to be rebellious and uncooperative. Consider for a moment the vision of a family that knows how to win cooperation and creatively solve their problems without using force or violence. The alternatives are limitless and the results are calmer parents who feel more supported.

Article Copyright © 1995 INCAF

Kathryn Kvols is the president of the International Network for Children and Families and the author of Redirecting Children’s Behavior. She is also a national speaker and workshop leader.

Help For Teaching Kids Self-Control

As parents we often react to your child’s misbehavior or emotional outburst by an emotional overreaction ourselves. This can make you feel out of control also. Tensions escalate and soon the whole situation becomes a much bigger issue then it really should have. Anger, blame, guilt, pleading and other extreme emotional reactions can make a parent feel upset and stressed for hours. This does not encourage positive behavior and overreactions can result in more bad behavior. As parents, mastering our own emotions and responses to unwanted behavior can also show your child good stress management techniques. If you respond in a calm manner, your child will feel calm and your child will calm down faster. One technique also to try is what I call the heartfelt touch which will be explained more below.

Your child will soon see their actions are not getting the response they were hoping for if you stay calm and collected during the bout of bad behavior. By managing your own emotions, your discipline will be more effective and it will help you feel calmer and more in control.

Be prepared for those times and have your methods of dealing with them planned. Planned reactions to bad behavior can help you remain calm and in control and will ensure your discipline is the same each time. Having plans made in advance will help you control your emotions when the time comes for a response for bad behavior. Consistency is the answer to many discipline problems and if your response is the same after each episode of bad behavior, your child will recognize his behavior is unacceptable.

As parents we also need to know our limits. We may be having a bad day and your child will often act out especially on that day because they can sense your mood. If you are emotionally distracted, angry, impatient, stressed, or sick it might be a good idea to relax the rules and expectations that day. It will be easier on you and less disrupting to your child. You should not tolerate bad behavior, but be sure to give yourself a time-out to allow your emotions to subside before you react.

Knowing your child can help you better realize what works and does not work for them. You will find ways of disciplining your child and not hurt them emotionally. You must learn to distinguish between well thought out rule breaking and accidental infringement of the rules. You also should know how each of your children is different. Some may respond to a sharp command while other more sensitive children will fall apart at any hint of a harsh tone. If you are under control when the child is misbehaving, you will be able to distinguish between willful misbehavior and reaction to stress. It is very important to differentiate between the two.

Finding the right approach to calm down an out of control child can be a real challenge. Sometimes they may throw themselves into a temper tantrum for no reason at all, and all the talking and reasoning with them will do not good. I know from personal experience of two young boys!! Whats important when a child throws a temper tantrum and becomes out of control is to remain calm and make sure your child does not hurt themself.  This can be a real parenting challenge.

One calming method I learned when a child starts to become out of control, or is out of control is a heartfelt loving touch. Try a gentle touch on the shoulder, or better yet, if you can, right over the heart. If talking seems to agitate him or her just sit or stay there with the child, remain calm, and gently touch them over the heart. Its has amazed me what this simple technique can do and turn a crying or screaming child into a calm one, only then can you start to talk to him or her to find out what the real problem is. Remember, what may seem trivial to you can be a major event in a childs world.

Remember, keep your emotions in check. If you act emotionally to your child’s behavior you may scare your child or reduce the trust they have in you. It may also be counterproductive to your discipline plan. If your child sees that they will be able to get an emotional response by doing specific actions, it will encourage them to continue the behavior that is unacceptable. If you do not feel you can deal with the situation without being overemotional, take a time-out for you! And if your partner is near, have him or her take over the situation. Sometimes a fresh perspective, or parent, can be a lifesaver.

Teaching your Child Social Skills

Teaching your Child Social Skills

There are many benefits to having excellent social skills, and it is advisable for you to teach your child social skills. Children learn best from a young age, and long term success in their lives depends more on social skills than their academic strength.

If you find that your child is often ostracized by his peers and unable to interact normally in social situations, you need to step in to teach them how to interact easily with others. This can be done through daily interactions with your child, as they learn by example, imitating how you react to situations. One of the best methods to teach your child is the Social Autopsy method.

This involves sitting down with your child and analyzing what went wrong, and what can be done about it. The key to this method is in helping the child identify the link between their behavior and the end result, and how changing their behavior or actions can lead to a more favourable or preferred outcome for them. Guide your child into being able to independently identify the problem and possible solutions, and how to spot and prevent such problems from occurring again.

Another problem parents commonly face is their inability to discipline the child. This will lead to a child that is uncontrollable, and such behavior will usually result in rejection from their peers. This also makes it difficult for the parent to implement the social autopsy method, as they have little or no control over their child, and are unable to guide them in the right direction.

Often out of frustration, parents may simply avoid the problem or administer punishments that are overly severe. In such cases, you as the parent need to lay down the ground rules in dealing with your child. This will help both of you understand how to interact with each other, especially with regards to disciplinary issues.

Sit down with your child to work out the ground rules, and explain why they are important. These should be clear and well defined, so that there is no ambiguity or confusion. The next step is in working out a rewards and punishment system. Spell out that good behavior warrants rewards, as does misbehavior. There should always be a clear link between the infraction and the punishment. This will teach them that for every action, there is an equal and corresponding reaction.

The next time a disagreement or fight breaks out, such as when there is a need to share or speak uninterrupted, step in to help your child develop the appropriate social skills. This will often involve instilling a sense of self control for your children, and they learn best by watching you, so make sure that you set a good example!

Raising Children Fairly and Equally

Most parents don’t like to admit it, but parents typically have a preferred child among all of their children. As a result, parents often do not raise their children equally. While this favoritism is obviously not fair, some parents over compensate by trying to raise their children equally in order to be always fair. Unfortunately, this opposite of favoritism is equally not fair.

Here is a common example. Let’s assume a couple has two children. One of their children is very good in school, and the other child is not. It is common for parents to send both of their children to equivalent colleges, while ignoring the fact that one child deserves better while the other children might not want or deserve to go to college.

Another example is with sports. One child may be exceptionally good in sports, while their siblings are not. However, their parents typically push all of their children in after school sport activities if a single child shows interest. If a child is talented in playing music, the child’s siblings are often sent to music classes as well.

As a result, parents try to achieve the same interests and results with all of their children, even though some siblings are often incorrectly pushed in activities that they are not interested in. Unfortunately, this seldom works.

It is never easy to raise children, but parents must be dynamic enough to raise each child differently. While some parents are luckily enough to have similar children, most siblings have diverse strengths and interests that must be nurtured and developed independently from their siblings.

Children gone wild or failed parenting

Who’s to blame when a child goes bad?

A famous quote states: ‘It takes a whole village to raise a child.’ The villages today are in the form of music videos, TV, and the ever expanding internet; none of which should have a significant impact on a child’s behavior, but due to the lack of attention and absentee parenting in the home, it is the major source of role-modeling most of our kids are emulating.

Another quote states: ‘Children are to be seen and not heard;’ or even ‘Do as I say and not as I do;’ whoever wrote these obviously never had children. Children are like sponges, they will soak up everything put before them and no one can ask more questions than a child can. Children also have a lot to say; that’s why most of their time is spent in chat-rooms online. “Do you know who your children are speaking to? Do they?”

It is unfortunate that a child chooses that of a negative nature in which to adapt; but no thanks to the media, bad, looks good to the impressionable eye. Little do many parents know that there is no one a child would rather be like than the one who reared them; children idolize their parents and want nothing more than to please them; it is a crime that many don’t recognize this.

Everyone over the age of twenty-one is aware of the ever-increasing enconomy which makes it a challenge to make ends meet, but a child has no concept of money until parents start complaining about it or tossing it at their kids just to get them out of their hair. A child is not born with the natural instinct to lust for money or material possessions; those who hold the strongest influence over them instills this, as with everthing else in their lives.

We all know what a parent is, but we are not always clear on what their responsibilities are. Some would argue that a parent’s only duty is to supply a roof over a child’s head, food in their bellies and clothes on their backs–shame on the few that feel that even this is not a factor–but a parent is so much more. A parent is responsible for making sure a child is properly educated; they are the major source that instills good morals and strong fiber. They are to teach them right from wrong; discipline and determination; self esteem and respect; responsibility and hard work; selflessness versus selfishness; but most of all, they are to teach them love; how to give it as well as how to receive it; anything less makes one fall short of good parenting.

Sadly, it is easy for a parent to resent a child for stealing their life; for taking up so much of their time and changing who they are or once were; and often this resentment can cause a parent to lash-out at their child undeservingly. Mother’s compete against daughters; fathers berate sons; children are left alone far too long and too often with no supervision or guidance. They are emotionally abused by hurtful words and unfair actions done against them. Parents often forget that they too were once children; they forget the things they put their parents through and the heartfelt prayers not to do to their children what their parents did to them. Not many are aware that children suffer the sins of their parents; they enter the world with a strike against them due to no fault of their own.

When a child becomes rebellious, a parent is quick to point the finger at anyone or anything but themselves; they are quick to say that they get all their bad qualities from the other parent–especially if he or she is an absentee parent–and all the good qualities from them. If you are wondering how your child will turn out, just take a look in the mirror.

The village system no longer exists; but it is not needed if we practice good parenting.